Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
