WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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