That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
