Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
