You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
