brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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