Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
