He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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