Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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