She's JV to your varsity
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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