I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
3pm strippers are depressing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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