omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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