So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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