he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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