I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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