What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
