we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
