party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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