You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
