girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
