quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
