We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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