Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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