I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
