I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize