Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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