So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
there is glitter all over my balls
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
