Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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