you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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