Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
