WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My balls are so social today.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize