I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
