this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And then he peed in my hair
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