I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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