Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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