We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
