Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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