Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
