And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
