i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
