Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
