At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize