I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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