peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
