Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
