We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
