This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
