Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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