remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
