8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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