Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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