Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
