he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
