she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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