everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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