Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
