i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
