dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
