I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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