I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
