I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize