Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
