i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
