Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
