I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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