Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
