I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
