if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize