you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
not ubering you a puppy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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