Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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